Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
