honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
