i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
