the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
