Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
