I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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