I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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