Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
