I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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