if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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