he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
