I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
