My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
