I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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