i was born a porn star she said
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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