If i come over, it means nothing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
