Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
