I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have tasted many bathrooms
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
