Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
