Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nutella sex= disaster
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
