she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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