that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
