The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
