You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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