If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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