He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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