okay pat passed out under dana's car
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize