If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
