Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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