How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
