You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We left an ass print on the piano.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
