ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
