i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
