it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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