I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
