so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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