And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
