final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
