I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
