I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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