Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
