We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
