just tell him i said nine months
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
