That's when you crack a 10am beer
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
