never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
