I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
