she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
