did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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