You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
