Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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