I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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