Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
