It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
