I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
