You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want her autograph on my taint
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
