I wannas sexs uuuuu
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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