Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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