I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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