it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
