Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had to cum in my sink.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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